Time to Move On

Nothing different about this morning. There wasn't a green sky, or a purple sun. I didn't wake up in sheets made from gold. Just the same comfy bed in my little apartment that I love.

Inside. That is where it changed. Maybe it happened over night, just like everyone believes cannot happen. Maybe it happened over the last 2 nights. Yes...I think that is when it happened. Because of dreams... I dream every night, but the last 2 nights I dreamed dreams that should have made me angry, furious, sickened, sad. I woke up thoughtful instead. And this morning? Oh...this morning was spectacularly special. I felt something that I believed my heart would never feel again. I don't know why it came, maybe the subconsciousness working in my dreams, but oh did it come!

Forgiveness.

And not just the "Oh, I forgive you, so leave me alone" forgiveness. I'm talking the wiped clean, refreshed, truly miraculous forgiveness.

How long did it take? One Year. Too long for some people, not enough time for even more people. But that is how long it took for me. One Year. Full of tears. One Year. Full of hate. One Year. Full of confusion. One Year. Full of revenge.

Gone.

Where did it go??? How did it go??? I'm so curious. I've tested my self, my brave self. I thought of her. I started to remember. I let myself creak open that door. And yes, I did think of her, of past memories, good and bad. What did I really find? In that tainted place of my heart? Instead of this horrible place of hurt and retribution, I found a gaping hole. I'm not going to lie and say that it was all "peachy keen". It was a hole with just the faintest sign of what use to be there. It is a sign to move on. I thought that I would be stuck in this place forever, my own personal fable. I want to shout from the rooftops that it is gone, that I am free. But first, to truly be free, I believe I need to let her know I forgive her. I think that is the final step. And then I am going to be.......who knows? But there is something greater out there and it is coming fast. I can feel it.

Another Notch

Oh my.
I can feel it taking over me.
Over my mind, over my hands. I'm aching again. I need this. It needs me. How long will it last this time? Will I be a success? Or will it be just another attempt? No...I WILL do it this time. A dark room. Yes, that is what I need. A bottle of water and a pack of cigarettes. Yes, that sounds perfect. I go and grab a pencil. Not ink, no. I need the forgiveness of an eraser. I reach over and grab the book. All blank pages. Waiting for me. Crying out for me. Shh. I will soothe you. Let me rub my thoughts into you. Soon we will both be complete.

Boredom...and it looked like fun..haha

1. Go to photobucket.com.
2. Type in your answer.
3. Only use the first page.
4. Copy the html and paste it on here.



1. What is your first name?




2. What month were you born in?




3. What's your favorite TV show(s)?








4. What's your favorite color?




5. What's your favorite movie?




6. What's your favorite Disney Princess?




7. What are you most afraid of?




8. What's your favorite time of day?




9. What's your favorite accessory?




10. One word to describe yourself?




11. How old will you be on your next birthday?

(22....?)



12. Favorite Shoes?




13. Favorite Drink?




14. Favorite Food?




15. Town you were raised in?

(CLINTON)



16. Title of favorite song?




17. Secret Crush?

Brandon Lee baby...rip!!!



18. What's your middle name?




19. How do you feel?

hahaha....i'm hungry

Bad Apple

When someone is introduced to new materials, whether it be a fruit, an idea, a way of life, first impressions are important. We do not choose the first impression we are given, but instead we choose how to react. I was given a bad apple. I liked the color, the smell, the beauty of this apple was spectacular. When I bit into the apple, it was sour and rotted. My reaction to this apple was all apples taste like this one. I didn't know any better. I saw everyone else eating apples, so I figured that I may grow to like the taste. After slowly eating away at this bad apple, I knew that I wouldn't eventually grow to enjoy it. So I quit eating apples all together. I forgot the sweet smell, the vibrant color, and the true beauty. My friends, who were also eating bad apples and then quit eating them, came to me recently. They began eating apples again. They told me that just because I ate that one bad apple, it shouldn't stop me from eating another. I should reach in with faith into another barrel of apples, select one, and take a huge bite. I began to ask myself, is it really worth not eating apples ever again, just because of the first apple I took a bite out of? I want to take another bite of a different apple, but I am scared. I am scared of the temptation, the seductiveness of all apples, afraid I might bite into another rotted apple. I haven't took a bite out of one yet, but I am contemplating the idea, which is more I can say of myself a year ago. I know I need the fruit to survive and I am watching myself dwindle away because I have refused to eat another one. I refuse to refuse any longer.